In 2018, my partner of five-and-a-half years left me for another woman october.
I became heartbroken. We felt lost and alone. We felt abandoned. But we additionally felt that is angry not merely aggravated at him. Angry at myself.
I happened to be livid with myself for feeling that way. For permitting me feel in this way. Not merely during or following the breakup — but throughout very nearly our whole relationship.
For 3 years, I experienced experienced lonely in my own relationship. Like I became the only person with it. I’d destroyed all sense of self-worth, so when he finally left, I happened to be angry he had been the main one to go out of me personally and I also hadn’t discovered the energy to take action myself.
The start of the connection ended up being amazing. The very first 12 months had been a roller coaster of love, love and intercourse. But after a year-and-a-half of dating, all that went from the screen.
The love, the love, & most devastatingly, the intercourse.
He kissed me personally straight right straight back, but as my hands relocated straight straight down their human body, he pressed them away, telling me personally he didn’t ‘feel like it’